Friendships; who are you real friends?

I recently had a fallout, for the last time, with a so-called friend. We have had our ups and downs for some time now and just recently had our LAST down and it will stay that way. Since I moved, we haven’t really talked much. Even when we did have our occasional conversations (through text messaging), we seemed to just argue. Long story short, he texted me telling me that he needed to “let me go” so that he could just go on about his life. I just agreed, knowing that it was probably just his way of trying to fight, that I would eventually go back to our ups again. I then received some text messages from him saying “well he is a loser if you have to meet him on a dating website after just breaking up with a guy. and telling another guy that he’s your dream guy and you want.” text two; “so now you can get knocked up like you want to. get kids and be a miserable military wife. since that’s what you’ve always wanted to be.” text three; ” while your at it, go fuck your douche friends and stop pretending to be a firefighter.”

This isn’t a blog about putting him on blast because that is not what I want to do. I just want to show and talk about how you don’t really know your friends. Or the people that you think are your friends. Now, that being said. I have somethings that I have to clear up. Yes, my boyfriend and I met through a dating site. I didn’t expect to start dating him as soon as we did. I also didn’t know that he was in the military when I first met or started talking to him. Also, I am not pretending to be anything. I have been a fire fighter for a couple years and I left the department because of personal and health reasons.

I just didn’t expect someone who I trusted so much to say mean things to me. But, I have moved on of it. I have solved the problem and there is no way he can reach me. I don’t have the energy to go through any more of this.

A day of great recipes!

Being Sunday and usually finishing all my cleaning early, I decided to try a couple recipes. One was a dinner and the other was a homemade snack. Both delicious things and easy!

Spice rubbed grilled chicken:
Bonless, skinless chicken breast.
1.5 tablespoon of cumin
1/4 teaspoon of cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon of cayenne
Olive oil
Salt and pepper

*making sure that extra fat is cut off chicken breast, place chicken into a baking pan. Brushing olive oil and lemon juice on both sides of the chicken. In a small bowl, mix cumin, cinnamon, and cayenne together. Sprinkle a little bit of salt and pepper on both sides. Adding mixed slices to both sides as well. Put on grill until done, enjoy!

Homemade Fruit Leathers:
3 cups ripe or frozen fruit
2-3 tablespoons of honey or avgave
2 teaspoons of lemon juice

*place plastic wrap over a baking sheet, set oven to the lowest setting or to 170. Puree fruit, honey a d lemon juice together. Pour puree mixture over plastic wrap,  placing into oven to bake for 6-8 hours. Once done cooking, place fruit leather onto parchment paper, cutting into 1″x11″ rolls. Roll them up and refrigerate. 



Things you should try.

I have been substituting my cravings for junk sweet this week. Trying to clear myself of everything I’ve consumed over the holidays. Two delicious snacks that anyone who loves bananas and raspberries should definitely try.

Cinnamon honey bananas
1 tablespoon of ground cinnamon
1.5 tablespoons of honey
1 banana
1/4 cup whipped cream (optional)
*slice bananas into a bowl or plate, add cinnamon and honey to the top of sliced bananas.

White chocolate stuffed raspberries
1 container of fresh raspberries
A handful of white chocolate chips
*makes sure to wash the raspberries and once are done being washed, stuff one to two white chocolate chips into each berry.


2013, a year of great memories.

I am not writing this because I made a new years resolution. That is absolutely not why. Its about the best times that I had during the year. From my birthday to spending Christmas in a new state. I know that during my time in Oregon during 2013 seemed like I was doing the same thing over and over. Not true, I had a great birthday. From going out with my friends and not remember exactly how the end of my night went. Irish holiday with my dad and having a lot of fun watching Irish dancing, drinking Irish beer. Taking a trip to Seattle for a Seahawks football game and driving home that same night, Freezing my ass of while trying to watch the game. Learning that my boyfriend at the time was talking to other women while sleeping in the same bed as me. Driving from Hillsboro to Portland on all backroads and side streets with my BEST guy friend, only to stop off for frozen yogurt at our favorite Self serve location. To my God daughter being born and being SO excited that I was crying. Seeing her grow from a little tiny bean to the sweetest, blue eyed baby girl. Making new friends and learning that I worked more then I should have done. Taking care of my grandma while she had her, HOPEFULLY, Last heart surgery. Making the biggest move from west coast to east coast. Being so scared at night that I would make sure my doors were locked, while driving down the freeways. Getting lost in the dark, in a state that I didn’t know, because my GPS didn’t know that there was construction being done. Making new holiday traditions because I am with out my family and with the one person that makes my heart hurt because of so much love.

I am hoping that this new year will bring me as much happiness as I have had during the time of 2013. Bring me as much or more, love, then I have earned in the last year. Making sure that I stay as healthy, if not, more then I have been. Finding the right doctor for my time here. Keeping the migraines away for as much as I can. Learning the right ways to step parent and hoping for my own child by the end of the year. Having family safe and sound back home. And keep making friends like I hope too. Even if they live in different states.

Facebook, a world everyone lives in.

It was brought to my attention that I have to be a little more sensible about the things I want to post on my own Facebook. Why? well just this.. I am a sucker for some Chuck Taylor’s, whether they are adult size or children size. I decided that I would change my cover photo on Facebook to a pair of worn out high top Chuck T’s. As I was minding my own, my parents got a hold of the comments box and put their two sense in. My step mom, trying to be a comical person that she is, asked if there was something I should tell them. But my response was just a simple, no. Then my mother jumped in, saying I needed to finish college before I had children. AND OF COURSE, my father. Being the man that he is, stubborn and a pain in my ass, commented “better be married before she has children.”

I never responded back. I think its a little stupid that my parents, two of the three, need to put a time stamp on when I can have children.. As far as marriage, sure. I think it would be a nice thing to have in life, spending you life with one person that you love for the rest of my life. I just don’t think either one of my parents should be giving me marriage advice as their own marriages have failed. I am not saying this to sound mean, those are not my intentions, but I have to say this. Has anyone even thought about what I might want? maybe I just want the kids and someone to share that with me. Maybe I don’t want marriage, because that thought scares me more then anything else in the world.

The only thing that I fear with marriages is that everyone does, are together for a couple years, divorces. Repeat. I don’t want to be that person that gets married and then five years later am onto being divorced. And if my parents want me to be married before I have children, well then maybe, just maybe they wouldn’t be getting grandchildren from me. I would love, love, love to be married to someone that I love more then anything in the world, for the rest of my life. I believe in being married one time and one time only. My parents, they don’t exactly hold a great example to that big life choice. My dad alone, married three times. Mom, married once. But my point is.. THEY ARE DIVORCED!

Second thing I have a problem with on Facebook, Girls. Not just all girls, but specific ones. The ones that are involved with the military, whether they are married or they are simply just a girlfriend. I joined a group for wives/girlfriends/fiances and I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to meet some girls that are in my area. I’m starting to think it was kind of a mistake. I have commented on a few things in this group that other girls have posted. I have gotten responses from other women that are just rude. Bitch, I didn’t ask for your input. The person that wrote the post did, if you don’t like what i have to say, too fucking bad. Write me a message and tell me directly instead of being a coward and writing it out for everyone else to see. A few days ago, a girl asked if there was any learning books that we could recommend for her to read. She didn’t know anything about the military and wanted something to read about. I was the first person to comment on it and simply stated ” I don’t know of any learning books but I know of a book that is a funny read about the military. Confessions of a Military Wife.” I never once said that it was a learning book. Some lady had to comment on what I had posted saying that “confessions of a military wife is not a learning book.” and went on about the other books that would be “best” for this lady to read. No shit. PRETTY sure I said that I didn’t know of any LEARNING books. I said a “funny” read. apparently she needs to read.

I thought that joining this group would be good for me. The more that I see these women post and the more that I see it in my feed, I just get more frustrated. These women think that they are just high and mighty because they’re boyfriend is in the MARINES and they think that they are just better then everyone else. Umm… No. You’re simply just an American that has a boyfriend who happens to serve. You yourself are not serving so you need to just sit down and shut the fuck up. Everyone just thinks that they know more about what to do, say, wear, blah blah blah. I don’t give two shits. I will do what I want and I will not base my life around the military until I absolutely have too. I am not a person that is going to think that I am better then my friends because I have a soldier as a boyfriend. I’m not, know why? because he is a normal person too. He works normal office hours and gets to live a free life, do what he pleases when he is not working or deployed.

Pull you head out of your ass.

A day of giving Thanks.

Some people on facebook have been doing the 30 day give thanks status. I don’t know that I have 30 thanks to give but I do have enough for one day. I know that I am over 3,000 miles away from home and that I have a new thanksgiving tradition to start but I can’t help but think that its going to be a sad day without them.

So for my thanks, I want to start with my parents. I know that we have had our ups, downs, and so many memories that I will forever hold onto. I thank you both for the life that I have been privileged to have and hopes that in some way, I am able to give life to a child in the future. Thanks for always being there, even if it wasn’t all the time. Letting me learn from the things that I have done wrong and sharing the things that I have done right. Thank you listening to me when I needed someone to talk to the most and loving me NO MATTER what I decided to do. Mom, I know that we weren’t that close when I was younger but I have put a lot of effort into making a difference now. Thank you for being there no matter what. I know that we are on better terms now, and I really appreciate it. Dad, I know that I make you mad but children aren’t perfect. But thank you for being the best dad I could ask for. Thanks for grounding me for when I did something wrong. Letting me have freedom when I needed it. Thanks for being such a weirdo that even my guy friends in high school could hang out with you.

To my grandparents, whether they are here or gone. I thank all of you. Giving me a different type of love that my parents couldn’t give. Giving me more memories to laugh with then to cry with. I hope that you all feel that I have been there for you, the amount you all have been there for me. To my grandad’s who aren’t here anymore, in a safe yet beautiful place, I thank you both. For showing me things that will always help in my life. Learning that you can’t take everything for granted, that time might be shorter then you think. And even though you aren’t hear anymore, it still feels like you are. Saddens me to think that I can’t see you two in person, to hug you, for joking around. Grandpa Cliff, I have to thank you for all the news paper clippings that you have always cut out for me. That even though you cut them out, I never always read them but I always kept them with me. I still wish that I could hear you and see you, to hear you complain when we don’t use a plate or eat over the sink. If I could trade anything, turn back time, I would definitely want to see you again, on your last better day. Grandpa Bill, I know that my time with you was cut short and I wish I could have known you as I am now, but, thank you. For being the next best grandpa that I could have ever had in my life. And my grandma’s, I thank you both as well. For showing me that no matter what life gives you, always make the best of it. Grandma D, you always make me laugh with the things that you forget and always talking to yourself. I can remember all the times I would sleep over and I’m sorry I didn’t come over more when I got older but I will always love you. Grandma M, you are the best friend that I could ever have in my life. The saint Helen’s trip will always be as vivid as the day that it happened. I never laughed so hard since the day that you turned your back pack upside down. Trying to help you when all your things are rolling around on the ground and laughing was an interesting difficulty. I’m glad on all counts that I was there with you the day that grandpa passed away. Going through his things and letting me see the younger grandpa. We have been through a lot together and you have always been there when my parent’s couldn’t be. I love you, always.

My brother, you are the biggest pain in my ass, but what are siblings for. I have to thank you for everything you ever did for me. I know that we have been through some good things and some bad things together but we were always in it together and come out the other end together. I hope that life brings you happiness like it has given to me. I thank you for being my best friend and always being there. Remember being in Cancun when you forgot sunscreen on your face? you ended up so burnt. Good times. But remember the sunblock next time.

To my “step” parents, I know that you both aren’t married to my parents but you are in my life now, or like Gordon, have been for a couple of years now. I thank you both for making my parents happy. Something I haven’t seen in long time, I don’t mean that as they haven’t ever been happy since they met you. I mean it as, they haven’t been happier with any other person other then you two. Thank you for making them better people, giving them more happier moments then bad ones. Gordon, thanks for making me laugh at the most random things ever! and making the time I almost ran a stop sign in Portland something to laugh about. Michele, thank you for just being you. I can talk to you about anything. I will be honest and say that it hasn’t ever been easy letting other women into my life. But I am more then happy that you are in it now. Thank you for doing my hair when I couldn’t trust anyone else to do it for me. Thank you for adding you two kids into my life as well.  I love you both.

Uncle W, Aunt T, Hana Banana. Thank you! for the last couple years, living at your house. Thank you for taking Jake and I to Disneyland for the first time. Thank you for all the good times that we have had, all the late nights playing the AWESOME phase 10 game. I don’t even have enough words to thank you guys for everything you’ve done the last couple of years. I love you guys!

To my Boyfriend. In this short amount of time we have known and been together, I have to thank you too. For everything that you do, have done, and will do. You have shown me that there is good people in this world. Thank you for always making me laugh and singing in the car. I won’t ever forget those moments because I do have evidence that you do it. I love you.

To the rest of my family, I thank you all. Even though we may not see each other for a long period of time, I still love you all. You have influenced me in different ways. Thank you being there no matter what.


In all reality, I did have enough thanks for the 30 day thanks statuses. Not enough to actually MAKE the full 30 days but I suppose I could have stretched it out a bit. This, I think, was THEE hardest blog to write, But I completed it.

Thank you, I love you.


How My Brother Saved Me From Drowning and Suicide

Originally posted on Seth Adam Smith:

David, Me, and Sean

David, Me, and Sean

I’m the youngest of six kids. I have two brothers: the oldest is David and the other is Sean.

Sean and I didn’t get along when we were younger.

Don’t get me wrong, it was nothing serious. More of a personality difference. I liked Star Trek, he liked sports. I wanted to watch cartoons, he pushed me over to watch Rocky IV. As for sentimentality, Sean’s got a big heart but pretends to be a bit rough around the edges—like a Teddy bear dipped in cement.

One day, when I was six, Sean completely reversed the role of “big bully brother” by doing something that I’ve never forgotten—he saved my life. While playing with some water toys at a pool, I somehow went too far into the deep end. Not knowing how to swim, I panicked and started to splash around, crying out for help. I…

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